Saturday, March 3, 2012

the "Magic Machine" test

over in the facebook group "Post Trans Normality", we've been digging over old ground. what makes someone TS?

its pretty tiresome. seems that everybody and their dog wants inclusion. Why, i don't know. is there some kudos in being totally screwed by life that i've missed?

the arguments/excuses for not having surgery are endless and repetitive. we hear blame being heaped on money, on access, on surgical complications that prevent, etc etc. we have demands that it is not what is between your legs that makes you female.


that's the WHOLE POINT. transsexual women are born with willies, and they DON'T WANT THEM.
if you DO want one, then you are NOT transsexual. you may be transgendered. that's cool too. nothing wrong with being transgendered. it should be a much better thing than to be transsexual, you have so many more options.

so. the 'magic machine test'.  its well simple (excuse my reversion to a london accent):

imagine there is a magic machine. it has a door. you can go inside once. inside there is a big red button. if you press it, your body is instantly and irreversibly changed from one sex to the other.

would you press the button?

if the answer is NO then you are NOT transsexual. easy, huh?

if the answer is YES, then you probably are transsexual. that or you have some kind of extreme fetish, or are insatiably curious, or perhaps you've lived a long life as one sex and fancied a change. or maybe you hate your life and are running from something.

so it is not a conclusive YES, you are TS, but at least the NO is clear. i got the test from a dream. i was in a fairground, with my cousin. it was by the banks of a river, and there was this large container like building. it had the red button. i could see it through the door. i knew what it did, as it was explained to me somehow, along with lots of warnings about  how you couldn't undo the change. i pressed the button, but nothing happened. i dreamt that dream a few times, pressing the button again and again, but kept on waking up unchanged. heartbreaking stuff. and then puberty hit.

this post is really for those TG people out there who desire to be seen as TS. its an easy question to ask yourself. you can ask other people it too, and get them to explain their choices. i've met some girls (who were interrogating me in a peckham parking lot one day) who would jump at the chance to be boys - for the power it would give them. if they'd been born that way there was no way that they'd change.

not so easy for me is understanding the desire to be TS. why want to be something you are not? especially something that ties you to a hormonally destroyed body, endless social difficulties, the threat of danger / death and having NO OPTION.

Did i desire something i was not, in my journey? maybe. i was not born female. i just (always)  believed that i was supposed to have been. i wanted to be. and now i am. mostly. did i desire to be TS? no. absolutely not. who in their right mind would? it was a relief to know there was such a thing, because it meant there was a way out form the unhappiness that had made me suicidal since puberty. surgery. not a sure bet (the results of the surgery might be awful, and then there is the passing issue), but better than nothing.

does that mean we can reclassify?
transsexualism is the desire to be female?
transgenderism is the desire to be transsexual?

since there is a cure for transsexualism (surgery), perhaps there might be a cure for transgenderism. i get the feeling that that one is a wee bit more difficult, and requires either a massive change in society, or a massive change in the head of the transgendered individual to accept who they are. its almost the universal cure, anyway. accept who and what you are.

if you are a woman, born as a man, then accept that, and go get the help you need, as soon as you can. the sooner the better. stop pretending to BE a man:

if you are a man, who likes to play at being a woman. then accept that, and enjoy it. stop pretending to BE a woman.

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